Regrets

Can you believe I already have regrets as a mom and Ethan is only 2 months old? My biggest regret is the hospital. I don't think I really bonded with Ethan until we got home from the hospital. I think part of the reason was that I hardly held him in the hospital. With the exception of when he was eating, someone else was holding him. We had too many visits from people.  People were coming before work (which was before official visiting hours), in the morning, during lunch, after work. We had so many visitors-- and a few of them came more than once a day.I know that everyone was excited to see Ethan, but it was too much.  Jason and I did not get much sleep and consequently did not get much alone time as a family.

Don't get me wrong, we love our family and friends. We couldn't have made it after Ethan was born without them. They made us meals, held Ethan so we could get a shower or go to the grocery store. They cared about us and checked up on us. They made sure we had everything we needed. And they love Ethan really well. and us really well. But it wasn't until we got home that we really had privacy. This privacy allowed Jason and I to start to bond with Ethan. We had little stories and moments with him- with just the 3 of us.

I think our next go round at the hospital will have to be different. I want to hold my baby and bond with them. I want to get more sleep and more time as a family. I want to be able to take a shower and actually have time to blow dry my hair or put make up on in the morning. I want to be able to read a book or have some down time to relax. I want to be able to sleep when Ethan is sleeping-- at least enough to get a good nap in everyday. I am going to make sure these things happen next time.

I want to have visitors, but mabye we could institute a once a day limit. We could carve out a time of the day for "family time" that is just Jason, Ethan, our new little one and I. We could make sure people ask before they hold Ethan and know that they may not get to hold him right when they want to or at all on each visit. Yes, it's all going to be very different next time. Live and learn right?

Little Ethan at the Hospital